I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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