Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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