New invention idea: vibrating tampons
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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