I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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