When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
