girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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