you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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