i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
