what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
