the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
