I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
