My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
