return my video game
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
