I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize