Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
