at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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