it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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