I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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