I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
