oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
