i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
