I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize