FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
