ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
