So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
