Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
