i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
