I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
