I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
