an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
