Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Found the puke drawer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
