wakey wakey hands off snakey
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
