i think my tv is drunk
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
