You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
