Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
