me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She even gives head with a lisp.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
