I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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