Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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