this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
