my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
