Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
