Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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