he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
