I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
