well I can't set my house on fire every night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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