When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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