Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
