Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
