Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
