i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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