Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
