I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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