apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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