dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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