mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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