What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
