Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
