Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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