i would punch a child for taco bell
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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