guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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