Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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