im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
