I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
