And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You ruined the universe
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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