my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
