get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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