I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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