went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
