she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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