there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
