You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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