you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
