so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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