Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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