While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
